My Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is the light not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There was nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

- Marianne Williamson (Coach Carter edition)

What is your deepest fear? There's no courage without fear; in order to enter the light, we need to confront the darkness within us. Ever since two years ago when leaving the first and last official full time job, I've had so many epiphanies, one being that after nearly a decade in the force, I've only scratched the surface of education. I feel tiny, scared and sometimes doubtful for no other reason than being the minority.

---

I fear what I believe turns out to be wrong just like how I thought being in the cram school was the only way to teach outside of public schools and to be part of education. My life is my belief, or vice versa. I'm afraid that when such strong, immovable faith ends up being some misplaced sense of self-righteousness.

Is it wrong to stand for what we believe even though we later had a different/new interpretation of it? It's better to hold an idea, try to do good than not having any and did nothing. We live in a society where few are great, many are thinking and most are not doing. The world isn't perfect, nothing is. It is our reason to have lived at all to help push towards betterment, in anything. I may be wrong but so what? I'd rather live and improve along the way than not live at all.

I fear what I set up cannot last. My morning classes in public school, co-learning group in the afternoon and my FTL sessions at night are everything that I have. They are so fragile and delicate. All of which are the most precious experiences and memories in my entire career.

My career is all I have, except that it isn't true. I have a beautiful wife, who supports me, my family which cares for me, and my unstoppable passion. It would be a shame if I fall again. But I would fall on my back because "if I could look up, I could get up", -Les Brown. I shall never lose because I won't give up. If I don't stop playing, I can never lose the game.

I fear what I have is not what the world needs. There must be a reason I'm fighting on my own. My family doesn't support me, nor the people I know, the people who know it. How come those who I consider far too faulty become the voice in the field? What if my country never needed me and I've only been making a fool out of myself and wasting my time here?

Certainly, this would devastate me severely. It isn't, however, the end of the world, or the end of my world to be more correct. If they don't need me in Taipei, I'll go to another city; if they don't need me in Taiwan, I'll go to another country. I doubt there's not even one place that I belong. I was born with one reason. I just need to fulfill that reason.

It is indeed difficult to argue with myself... but I did it. The italic paragraphs are what I wrote after all three fears are written, excluding the final. This article is dedicated to those who still fear for what they don't have to as you could see how my fears are laid out, confronted and resolved by myself. I hope you could do the same for a try. "You are ready and able to do beautiful things in this world. As you walk through that door, you will only have two choices, love... or fear. Chose love, and don't ever let fear turn you against your playful heart",

- the great Jim Carrey.

#selfreflection

#motivation